


If we trust each other

by unicarna



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, PTSD, Post-Mount Weather, a new threat, canon compliant for seasons 1-2, drones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4549866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unicarna/pseuds/unicarna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been three months since the fall of the Mountain. The people of Camp Jaha, now Arkadia, have survived a cold winter and slowly started to rebuild their lives. That is, until something stirs in the forest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hovering

**Author's Note:**

> So here goes. I've challenged myself to write a multi-chaptered dm fic. Since my inspiration comes in irregular bursts I won't promise a certain update interval. But I will promise that the story will be finished eventually.
> 
> Quote from Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.

> _You shall no longer take things at second or third hand....nor look through the eyes of the dead....nor feed on the spectres in books,_
> 
> _You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me,_
> 
> _You shall listen to all sides and filter them from yourself._  
> 
>  

* * *

 

Winter was slowly melting away from the ice-bitten forest, when the drones came. Raven was outside working on an uncooperative solar panel, her breaths like small white clouds in the crisp air, and saw them first as they were emerging silently from the treeline a good distance away from Arkadia. Black and insect-like, they hovered without moving closer. A shiver of fear mingled with the thrill of some unknown technology that Raven ached to get her hands on. They _hovered_. She could use that technology for many things, a few of them entertaining and gloriously redundant. She carefully angled her body in a way that would allow a better look, while reaching for a screwdriver. She sensed that stealth was everything. The drones had to be at least two meters in diameter, oval in shape with various appendages that probably worked as antennas or sensors. Raven nodded to herself. Useful indeed. But who sent them? The only people they knew who might have technology this advanced was the Mountain Men, and they were all dead. So this must be something new and definitely worrying, and as Raven stared unblinking at the intruders, she felt a wave of apprehension quickly overtake the excitement.

This was bad.

She abruptly turned and climbed down the long ladder that connected the roof of the Ark with the ground. Slightly breathless from the sudden movement after hours of tinkering mostly with her hands, and that dull ghost-pain throbbing in her good, well _better_ , leg, she walked as quickly as she could towards the outdoor tables where she would be most likely to find her people, as she had worked well past the start of lunch. Sighing with relief, she spotted them instantly; Bellamy sitting opposite Octavia and Lincoln at a small table while at another, Monty, Jasper and Harper were laughing loudly together with four others of the formerly 100. At the closest table, Abby and Kane were talking intently to three guards. When she saw Raven, Abby caught her eye and smiled, a question in her eyes as if she sensed something was wrong. Raven pretended not to notice and made her way over to Bellamy. Sliding down next to him, she said, 

“We have a problem. Probably. There are drones at the edge of the forest. Three of them. Advanced technology.”

“What?” Bellamy's voice rose instantly and Raven put her hand on his arm to stop him from alarming the whole camp.

“Take it easy, they're just hovering for now.”

“Show me.”

They got up slowly, Raven trying to make it look casual and probably failing if Abby's narrowing eyes were an indication. She lead Bellamy to the fence, pointing unnecessarily in the general direction of the drones (that looked _much_ bigger from the ground, could they be carrying weapons?) and heard him draw in a sharp breath.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“We have to show the others.”

But when they turned around, they were met with said others already approaching at a brisk pace; Chancellor Griffin leading the way, followed by Octavia, Lincoln and Kane. Abby's voice was sharp when she spoke up,

“What's going on?”

Raven stepped aside and pointed again, watching four pairs of eyes widen in surprise.

“What _is_ that?”, Lincoln's voice was filled with something in between wonder and apprehension.

“Those are drones”, Kane said, gaze never leaving the three silent intruders. “And I doubt they are friendly.”

There was a few seconds of silence, everyone suddenly aware of how unprotected the camp was against large firearms.

“So someone is either watching us or are about to kill us. Maybe both”, Octavia concluded.

Raven glanced at the Abby when she asked, “Capture, destroy or ignore?”

Worry flashed in the Chancellor's eyes as she watched the drones regroup and take up another, similar hovering position, “Well, we've already been seen. If they are here to kill us, we'd probably be dead already. If their purpose is to watch us, destroying them at this point could lead to retaliation from whomever it is that sent them. We could try to capture them and try to figure out what they do but...”

“...that might also lead to making someone angry”, Raven filled in.

“Yes.”

Kane's face was screwed up in worry, “We can't just ignore them. We need to keep guards on rotation around the clock.”

“I agree”, Lincoln said.

Abby nodded, “There will be guards. ” Turning to Kane, she continued, “Call a meeting in half an hour. Everyone needs to be informed. Octavia, give the guards a quick rundown before that so they're on top of things.”

They hurried off through the sleet to carry out the orders, and if Lincoln once again felt left out, he didn't show it as he fell into step with Octavia. The rogue Grounder had been grudgingly accepted as a part of the Sky People after the fall of Mount Weather, and yet, three months after the Commander's betrayal, some people were still wary of him. Everyone saw that the Council kept him at arms length to make sure he didn't know too much about them. No one mentioned it. Octavia found this ridiculous and it had been the reason for many fist fights with those who dared voice their opinion aloud to her.

Abby remained with Raven, her jaw clenched as she kept her eyes on the strange objects that now seemed suspiciously still.

“This can't be good”, she murmured, mostly to herself.

Raven stepped closer without having made a conscious decision to do so, giving in to the uncharacteristic need for physical contact that only seemed to be present around Abby these days. Abby jumped at the sudden light contact of Raven's hand to her upper arm, and she turned to the mechanic in surprise, such a gesture not unwelcome but not common between them anymore. Things had been different on the Ark. Abby hadn't really stopped to think about why that was, the struggle for survival on the ground having made something so comparatively subtle hold far less importance. Raven, pretending not to notice her reaction, smiled reassuringly and said,

“I'll build some bombs. Doesn't hurt to be prepared.”

Abby let out a breath, her face settling into a wistful expression as she remembered everything Raven had done so that they could all stay alive. Many of those things, she had only been told second hand since they had happened while the Ark was still in orbit. How much of herself had the younger woman sacrificed for their survival? Yet strength radiated from her in waves that Abby couldn't help relaxing into, drawing from, even though she felt guilty for doing so. Rubbing a spot on her thigh absently, she turned fully away from their most recent trouble and offered Raven a small smile in return,

“I suppose not.”

Raven grinned and turned to leave, but didn't get far before Abby spoke up again.

“And Raven...”

Raven stopped but didn't turn around, sensing from Abby's tone of voice that she wouldn't like what was coming next.

“I know I can't stop you from going to Bellamy first. But please consider coming directly to me or Kane if it's something that threatens the whole camp.”

Raven felt chastised, a feeling she was neither accustomed to nor especially fond of. She bristled a little when she turned to meet Abby's eyes, that widened in surprise at the abrupt change in Raven's mood. And it was as if that surprise took Raven back to when the Ark first came to the ground, to when the guards and leaders shoved the _kids_ behind them as if their methods for survival held no value. It took her back to sneaking her friends out with unauthorized firearms and the constant struggle for the _adults_ to take them seriously. All of this flashed before her eyes and left a bitter taste in her mouth. Her voice came out cold and clipped when she said,

“I know it's been months but I can't just forget how we survived before. There was no Council or electric fence or assortment of foods. We had nothing. You sent them down here with nothing. It was Bellamy...” She hesitated briefly before an image of Finn, frantic and lost, flashed before her eyes and she bit the inside of her cheek hard to keep from drowning, resolutely finishing the sentence, “...and _Clarke_ that stepped up to lead us. They kept us alive. I owe them. We all owe them. I go to Bellamy first because that's how we survived. Besides, he's on the Council too, it's not like we weren't gonna tell you.”

The words were met with silence, Raven's quick breaths the only sound filling the sudden void between them. Abby was staring at her, fists clenching at her sides as her surprise morphed into anger. But the emotion had barely reached her eyes before a look of profound sadness replaced it. She looked away, and Raven knew that she had hit her mark.

But there was no satisfaction in that knowledge, and Raven immediately regretted her outburst.

She took a tentative step towards the other woman, then stopped again. “I'm sorry, Abby. I didn't mean to...” That was a lie. “Well I guess I did, for a moment...that was stupid...”

She took another step, reaching out.

Abby's eyes snapped back into focus. “Don't.”

And it was almost like being slapped again, the sharp steel in Abby's voice and the moisture gathering in her eyes, and Raven desperately wanted to take her words back. She watched Abby's body grow rigid with tension and heat rising on her cheeks as the sadness was once again replaced by anger. At Raven? At Clarke? At the world? Raven wasn't sure. She only knew that in this moment, her own mind filled with a single irrational thought.

Fuck you, Clarke.

 

* * *

 

Days turned into weeks and the drones kept watching them. If people were getting tired from the extra guard duty they didn't complain about it; the camp was hushed, the normal banter and spontaneous sparring having abruptly ceased after the almost-intrusion. Raven kept building several kinds of bombs, grenades and ammunition from increasingly crude parts, working herself harder than what was probably healthy. If the work was a welcome distraction from the tension that still ran high between her and Abby, that was a bonus. Raven refused to be unprepared for an attack, spurred by determination to defend their home. For her part, she wasn't particularly attached to the camp in itself but they all needed somewhere safe to be, a place to breathe freely, and in the months since Mount Weather fell Arkadia had become that place, and more. There had been signs of healing in its population, painstakingly slow but there still, until the drones had arrived. Now Raven frequently saw people walking restlessly back and forth, frustrated by the lockdown, and a few of the 44 looking almost as gaunt and hollow as they had after being freed from Mount Weather. Guards snapped at minor offenses, and for some, Monty's moonshine had quickly become an all too frequent companion.

In the second week, a group of people broke out of camp to go hunting, desperate for something fresh to eat. The drones kept hovering.

In the third week, the Council decided to lift the lockdown during light hours, but restricted people's movements to the opposite site of camp from where the drones kept hovering.

In the fourth week, Raven ran out of parts. Unsatisfied with the rather impressive weapons collection, she requested permission to go on a mission to Mecha station to salvage the debris they had considered useless in the past. The request was denied. She couldn't help but wonder how much of that decision was Abby's way of telling her to fuck off. And then she wondered if thinking that was to assume things about how much weight her words held for Abby – would the Chancellor really let something like that affect her professional decisions? There was only one way to find out.

And so she found herself outside the Chancellor's quarters, at a much later hour than what was probably appropriate, to appeal the decision. She knew that this was far from the official way of doing things and definitely a risky move. But she and Abby had both bended rules for the greater good in the past, and Raven planned on using their shady history to her – their – advantage. Steeling herself for what was probably going to be a heated discussion, she knocked on the door.

 

* * *

 

 _Abby opened a large, metal door, and stepped inside section 17. The air was just like in the rest of the Ark; dry, with a metal tang, carrying just enough oxygen to avoid serious damage to the population. But the over 300 people resting on the floor told another story. Moments earlier the oxygen had been cut off, their lungs slowly deprived of the life-giving molecules, their minds put to an endless, final sleep. And Abby had been a part of the ruling Council, even though she had opposed the decision. She swallowed hard as she stepped carefully over limp arms and legs, closed eyes that were open and committed every face to memory. There were so many of them. As she walked around the room, the faces changed. A young woman leaning against an older man became Clarke, eyes forever closed as she rested her head on Jake's still chest. Abby gasped and stumbled over a pair of feet that morphed into Callie's boots, lifting her gaze to see her friend's face, serene in death. “No...”, Abby turned around, looking for the exit, but the door was gone, the walls closing in from every direction. Everywhere she turned were people she had known; her parents, Jake's parents, friends, acquaintances, Raven... The young mechanic was resting in a corner, legs spread haphazardly, somehow managing to look as tough and headstrong in death as in life. ”No...stop...I can't...”. The room was now a fraction of its original size and the bodies piled on top of each other, on Abby, threatening to suffocate her. She pounded on the wall in vain, feeling her knuckles crack and blood smearing over the cold surface. But she kept at it, refusing to accept what she was seeing. As long as she felt the pain she was safe, and maybe she could save them all...maybe she could survive..._  

_...Bang..bang...bang..._

 

* * *

 

Abby woke with a start, drawing air deep into her lungs as her whole body trembled. Her heart was beating fast and she couldn't decide if it was comforting or a cruel reminder of the other hearts that had ceased their steady rhythms. As the familiar dream cleared slowly from her head she realized that the banging sound was still there, and for a moment she was gripped by fear so intense it froze her in place. Was she back in space? Was she about to enter section 17 and examine the dead? 

But then reality realigned itself and she sat up slowly, trying to get her breathing under control. Clearing her throat, she spoke up in a voice that only held the slightest tremor, intending to send whoever was knocking on her door away, “Who's there?”

“It's Raven.”

Abby frowned, not sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, she felt an odd sort of relief at hearing the mechanic's voice. On the other, she wasn't eager to talk to her, especially not when she was still shaken up from her dream. She and Raven hadn't interacted more than what was absolutely necessary since the day the drones came; hearing her daughters name spoken in such a deliberate manner had gotten to Abby more than she wanted to admit. Raven had meant to hurt her and it had worked. In another place and time, Abby would have been quick to forgive Raven for what was obviously something said in the heat of the moment, something that said more about her friend's invisible wounds than what she truly felt. But here Abby was broken too and had no energy for interpretation and allowances. Here, her skin was stretched thin and her heart battered and bruised.

Abby was fully aware that not talking about Clarke wasn't the best way to deal with her absence, but she wouldn't – couldn't – handle it in any other way. It hurt too much. It wasn't that she didn't understand why Clarke had left - she had felt that same pain in section 17 and every time they floated someone. It was the pain of leadership, of making decisions for everyone, of ending lives so that others could go on. She knew the struggle that Clarke was going through, all too young, and not being able to be there for her was pure torture. And so Abby tried hard every day to build walls around the memories of her daughter, to keep them safe until she came back. Thoughts of alternative outcomes were also quickly shoved behind those walls, too difficult to consider in the light of day. But she couldn't control her dreams. At night, all her worries and fears coalesced into nightmares.

“Abby? Can I please come in?”

The tone made it easy to picture Raven's facial expression; a mix between half-annoyed raised eyebrows and, perhaps, a nervous biting of her lower lip. Abby sighed.

“All right.”

Raven pushed the door open but remained outside the room, leaning on one hip with a determined expression on her face. Abby met her eyes and saw them widen. She must look like hell, she thought, running a hand through her hair that she wore down for bed. Raven did bite her lip now, shuffled her feet and looked at her uncertainly.

“Are you okay?”

Abby meant to chuckle dryly in response but the sound caught in her throat and when it came out, it was more like a sob. She closed her eyes, horrified at the slip, and bit the inside of her cheek, hard.

“Abby...”, Raven crossed the small strip of floor that separated the door from the bed where Abby sat.

Abby swallowed, every muscle in her body tensing up as she tried to get herself under control. “Raven, please don't...I can't...it was just a bad dream...”

Raven's chest felt tight as she recognized the pain in Abby's eyes and deliberated whether or not to push harder. Finally, she sank down on the bed beside the other woman and offered the only kind of comfort she could.

“I wake up screaming sometimes. It's mostly Finn, sometimes when he...when he dies.” She paused, drawing in a breath. The air seemed thin. “There's so much blood... And sometimes he's in the camp, shooting at everyone. At me. His eyes are so cold...”

She turned to the woman next to her, who in this moment looked nothing like the Chancellor, and spoke the words that she kept repeating to herself every night, “You don't have to fight it, Abby.”

Abby's walls suddenly weren't high enough.

Another sob escaped from her throat and Raven wrapped her in a hug without hesitation.

Abby's body shook against Raven, who held her tighter, all thoughts of why she had come washed away in the tears that ran down Abby's cheeks onto her shirt.

 

* * *

 

By the time she carefully removed her arms from Abby, Raven's shoulders had stiffened. Rolling them backwards, she glanced at the other woman. Abby looked tired, as if she hadn't slept in days. Maybe she hadn't. But her tears had dried and she drew in a deep breath before raising her gaze from the worn floor to meet Raven's eyes. They looked at each other for a long time, and neither felt the need to speak.

Eventually, Raven reached out and squeezed Abby's hand. “Will you be able to sleep?”

Implied was the word alone, though Raven wasn't sure that Abby would be comfortable with her staying. Neither was she.

Abby cleared her throat. “I hope so.”

Raven nodded and stood up as smoothly as she could, suddenly uncomfortable without knowing why.

“I'll go, then. Good night, Abby.”

Before she reached the door, however, Abby spoke, “Raven, I'm sorry, was there something you wanted?”

Raven gave her a small smile, “It can wait till the morning.”

Abby failed to hide the look of relief on her face, “Okay, if you're sure.”

“Get some rest, Abby. And...if you ever wanna talk, you know where to find me.”

Abby wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, but settled on a tentative smile.

“Thank you, Raven.”

Long after the young woman left, Abby stared at the door, mind oddly blank as if the tears had washed away a layer of loss, guilt and worry.

For a few moments, she could almost breathe freely again.

  


	2. Allies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll! I've rarely finished a chapter in such a short time, and I might not again. Just putting that out there.
> 
> Quote by Walt Whitman.

> _This hour I tell things in confidence,_
> 
> _I might not tell everybody but I will tell you._

 

* * *

 

By the end of the fourth week, Raven finally managed to crack the heavily encrypted communications system the drones used, with the help of an old computer she found in the Mecha wreckage. The system was so advanced that it was sheer luck to crack it, something she kept a secret so that Wick wouldn't stop looking at her with a hint of admiration. They had gone back to being friends after sleeping together during the attack on Mount Weather, but she could still see longing in his eyes when they laughed together. She had been the one to end it, as it made her realize a few things about herself that she had been hiding from, ugly things that she thought other people shouldn't have to deal with. Wick was a good guy and he deserved better than the mess that was Raven's fear of losing him, and of losing herself. He had been good about it, but whenever she saw the residual feelings he held, it hurt her, and she let it.

Unfortunately, the messages she intercepted did nothing to clarify where the drones were from. Instead, they lead to more questions. The majority of the incoming messages were short instructions that assigned tasks to the drones. The outbound communication included observation results, climate data, and, to Raven's dismay, uncomfortably detailed data on the daily life of Arkadia's inhabitants. Each individual was assigned a sequence of numbers, and attached to the number was a set of coordinates, detailing the person's latest movements. As if that wasn't enough, the messages also contained short descriptions of every person's activity in short time intervals. The messages were all in English. Nothing about them revealed a clue as to who sent them, however. But they were quite effective in adding to the already tense atmosphere in Raven's workshop; knowing that someone, somewhere, knew more about them than they knew about each other made everyone uncomfortable. Raven and Wick shared a look before she abruptly turned and walked out.

“Hey! Where are you going?”, he shouted after her.

“The Council.” she threw back over her shoulder, mind already going through possible ways of disabling the drones before it was too late. She had had enough. She would rather die fighting those who might come to retaliate than sit and wait for an attack like they had done for weeks now.

She pulled open the door to the Council chambers, a little more forcefully than intended, and the momentum caused the door to slam into the wall. The six people sitting around the circular table stopped talking, staring at her. She cleared her throat, but the Chancellor beat her to it, her voice betraying a hint of annoyance at the interruption.

“Raven, what are you doing here?”

Raven almost contained her eye roll at being interrupted when she was about to explain just that. She took a few steps into the room, met Abby's eyes and bit her lip, suddenly wishing that she had something more hopeful to say. But Abby looked at her expectantly, eyes dark in the dull, artificial light, and she had no choice but to deliver the bad news.

“They know everything.”

 

* * *

 

Everyone was talking at once. Bellamy and Kane wanted to put their weapons to good use as soon as possible, something Raven wholeheartedly agreed with. Octavia argued that they should contact the Trikru and ask for help since they had no idea how big this new threat was. Abby and Robin, the camp's counsellor and head cook, focused on how much should be revealed to the general population, while Sinclair sat back in his chair, appearing lost in thought.

Raven cleared her throat, raising her voice to be heard above the animate discussions. “I thought Council meetings would be a little more...organized.” She took the edge of her comment with raised eyebrows and a smirk, and the Chancellor actually smirked back, holding up her hand to silence the room.

“We always come to order in the end”, she said, a light present in her eyes that Raven hand't seen in a while. How odd that it would be there now when an unknown force stood on their doorstep, peeking inside.

“So, we appear to have several suggestions and concerns”, Abby continued. “First of all, we need to decide on how much we'll tell everyone.”

Robin regarded Abby with a thoughtful expression, her short, grey-streaked blonde hair appearing almost luminous as it reflected the room's fluorescent lights. She had a calm demeanor that served her well as counsellor, even though she had no formal training and had taken the job out of necessity when none of the Ark's councellors had made it to the ground. Her open mind and reassuring smile put people at ease. Raven had helped her build the new kitchen and ended up sharing a few things with her over an excellent roast deer, things that she hadn't shared with anyone else. To Raven's surprise, the regret that she often felt when opening up to people still hadn't come.

Robin said, “In my experience, the people doesn't respond well to a secretive Council.”

Abby nodded, “I agree. However, in this case I'm pretty sure I would have preferred not knowing, if given a choice.”

“But not telling them is to make the choice for them”, Octavia mused. The young woman had been a great addition to the Council, her no-nonsense attitude often speeding decisions along, though it sometimes was because she wished to be out sparring rather than sitting still inside. It had taken a lot of convincing for her to agree to the offered position, but she was glad she had, as it gave her a chance to voice her not-quite-Grounder, not-quite-Sky-Person perspective, which often went against the opinions of the others. And Octavia loved a good discussion. It was Kane who had argued for her to become a Council member, and in the end the addition of her Grounder knowledge had won out over the controversy of having “the girl under the floor” in a position of power.

"That's a good point", Sinclair said, "but isn't that our job?"

Kane, leaning forward on his elbows, spoke up, “How about we just tell them that the drones are transmitting a lot of information about us to an unknown source. That wouldn't be a lie, but wouldn't tell them someone knows when they eat and sleep. That would just put people even more on edge.”

Abby nodded again. “Everyone in favor?”

Raven, who was still standing next to the table and unabashedly listening to the conversation, raised her hand together with the others. Sinclair grinned at her and Bellamy's eyes twinkled.

Abby raised an eyebrow. “The vote is unanimous. And your support is noted, Raven. However, I believe it's time for you to leave the chamber, seeing as you're not part of the Council.”

Raven frowned, too busy searching Abby's eyes for the light that had been there mere moments ago to pay attention to the Chancellor's exact words. It wasn't until she felt five pairs of eyes watching her expectantly that she tore her eyes away.

Shaking herself out of her musings, Raven replied, “I think I should stay. I know more about the drones than anyone and I practically built our entire arsenal. No offense, Boss”. She directed the last bit to Sinclair, who waved away the concern with a flick of his wrist. The young mechanic had a point.

Abby swallowed, caught up in the way Raven had looked at her, as if she _saw_ her. The thought made her uncomfortable, but at the same time, being under that gaze had felt...good. What had Raven been looking for? Had she found it?

“Fair enough”, she said, forcing the distracting thoughts away to be mulled over at another time. “You can stay today.”

Kane looked at her, surprised. He certainly saw the merit of having Raven there, but hadn't expected Abby to give in so easily.

Abby continued, “And now for the tough one – is it time to act or do we keep waiting?”

Raven pulled up a chair and sat down in between Bellamy and Octavia, eager to make her case. But so was everyone, and minutes turned into hours while they debated the pros and cons of various decisions. Octavia was relentless, her arguments clear and concise, and Raven was impressed in spite of not agreeing with her. She suspected that part of the reason her friend was so adamant on reestablishing the alliance was because of the small chance that she could resume her training as second. Octavia didn't talk about it, but it had been clear that she had felt more at home with the Trikru than with the Sky People. As Octavia put forward argument after argument in favor of talking to the Trikru, the discussion turned more and more towards the Grounders' role in the potential conflict. In the end they all agreed that it seemed foolish not to approach them; if the Grounders, or even just the Trikru, sided with the new threat, they wouldn't last long.

By the time an actual decision was made, Raven had decided that she wasn't the least bit interested in becoming a council member; it involved too much listening to opinions that she completely disagreed with. Ruling over her workshop, even working with a team of impossible engineers, seemed peaceful in comparison. But she could admit that there was a thrill in making decisions for everyone – perhaps it was the fear of making the wrong ones?

“The vote is unanimous”, The Chancellor concluded, and so it was decided: they would seek an audience with the leader of Tondc and suggest a new alliance. That would mean taking a chance on how they would be received in the village; would the past work for or against them? The Sky People and the Trikru had kept out of each other's way since the mountain fell, a truce seemingly present between them despite the fallout. The only contact had been with Octavia and Lincoln, who had run into hunters from the tree clan on several occasions. They relayed that a few of them had been sorry for turning their back on the Sky People, though they understood the Commander's decision.

“Lincoln and I should go”, Octavia stated, meeting Abby's eyes steadily.

The room went silent as everyone looked to the Chancellor.

Abby wasn't sure when the wariness she had felt for Lincoln had disappeared, but it had. She was fairly confident that the others felt the same way. Yet, she realized, they hadn't exactly included him in anything even though he had been a steady, helpful presence. She met the eyes of everyone around the table in turn, and if she lingered a little longer on Raven no one took notice of it, except for Raven herself, who nodded minutely in encouragement.

“Lincoln goes. And Kane, Octavia, and I. The Grounders have met us all before, that should be helpful. Bellamy, I'm leaving you in charge while we're away.”

Bellamy's eyes widened, surprise coloring his cheeks. He nodded once, and suddenly he wished Clarke was there to see how much things had changed.

 

* * *

 

They took three guards and left Camp Jaha the next morning, giving the drones a wide berth. Raven watched them walk away, nervously chewing on her bottom lip, until they disappeared into the forest. She closed her eyes, sending up a silent prayer to anyone who would listen; _please keep my friends safe_. Then she turned on her heel and went back to work; the drones wouldn't figure out a way to track themselves, after all.

Earlier that morning, she had cornered Abby with the intention of giving her a few small hand grenades. “In case of emergency”, she had said, pressing the deceptively small explosives into Abby's hands. Abby had looked at her then, and Raven had had no time to swallow down the fear she felt. Instead, she had breathed, “Please be careful. I don't trust them”. Abby had watched the way Raven clenched her jaw, remembering how she had looked tied up against the tree in Tondc, shaking as Lexa's knife cut into her skin. “Neither do I, but while I appreciate it, Raven, I don't think we'll earn their trust if I walk around with these in my pocket”. They had argued about it for a while, half-seriously, before Abby had closed Raven's hand around the grenades. Then, she had reached up with her other hand, placed it on Raven's cheek and caressed the soft skin once with her thumb. “I'll see you soon. Don't blow anything up while we're away”. She had left, and Raven had stood there, the safety pins digging into her hand and the small hairs on her cheek standing on end.

 

* * *

 

Abby walked purposefully in the middle of their little procession, feet moving steadily ahead while her mind was elsewhere. She was thinking about Raven and the way she had touched her before they left, as if...as if they were close. They were friends, sure, quite good ones on the best days, but they weren't especially tactile with each other. Abby could count the number of times they had hugged on one hand, and it had always been in dire situations, more often than not to say goodbye. A hug would have been appropriate. But instead, she felt the ghost of Raven's cheek on her palm, as if it had imprinted there and was somehow significant. Suddenly, her foot slipped on an icy patch, and her thoughts disappeared in a surge of adrenaline as she fought to regain her balance.

 

* * *

 

Tondc looked surprisingly whole, as if it hadn't been practically destroyed by a missile mere months earlier. It looked bruised and battered, sure, with its small houses rebuilt with mismatched pieces of wood and metal from the wreckage, but there was an air of pride about it, as if the village dared the visitors to criticize its imperfections. The Sky People were escorted through the center of it, feeling countless, suspicious eyes on them. They had been stopped by four scouts a good distance away from the village, and though the greeting had been far from friendly, they had manage to convince the Grounders that they came in peace. As they neared the main building where they would be meeting Indra, Abby swallowed. The last time she had met with the fierce Grounder she hadn't been able to convince her of anything. Abby wasn't scared of her, precisely, but she held a tremendous respect for the warrior and would do all in her power not to cross her. Okay, maybe she was a little afraid. Healthily so, she thought, as they crossed the threshold and entered a large building with walls made almost entirely of metal.

“Skaikru”, the Trikru guards announced unnecessarily as they entered.

The interior was unexpectedly cozy with several wide, pillow-clad benches lining the walls. In the center of the room was a large table lit by an assortment of candles. Indra was leaning over it, examining an intricate map. She looked up at them as they entered, her face set in a carefully guarded mask. She was wearing warpaint, eyes heavily accentuated with charcoal, and full body armor. When she spotted Octavia, her jaw clenched. The two seized each other up and right before Kane was about to say something to break the tension, Indra looked away with a huff.

Abby swallowed again. “Indra. Thank you for receiving us.”

The village leader ignored the pleasantries. “Why have you come, Abby of the Skaikru?”

Indra was surprisingly accommodating once the reason behind the Sky People's visit became clear. Her people, too, had seen the drones in the forest, but the mysterious intruders had never taken up watch outside their village like they had done at Arkadia. Indra told them that they had attacked a drone when it came too close to the village, but the arrows had bounced off it and the attack hadn't provoked a single reaction. Since then they had let them be, but were weary of their presence and kept note of where they were. Abby told her of the messages they had intercepted, and Indra's eyebrows rose, the first sign of surprise she had shown during their conversation. Abby was then quick to smoothly suggest that they share information on the drones' movements. To everyone's surprise, Indra agreed.

“But this is only and exchange of information, not an alliance. We will not stand by you if they attack. If you want a new alliance, you have to speak to the Commander.”

“I understand”, Abby replied.

“Where can we find the Commander?”, Kane interjected, and Abby sent him a sharp glance, worried that it was too soon to push for more.

Indra looked at him, weighing her words. “The Commander is at her home in Polis. But I would not suggest you seek an audience there.”

“Why?” Kane continued and Abby bit her lip.

It was Lincoln who answered. “Because Polis is large and many people would see you arrive. It would cause unwanted rumors before anything was decided.”

Indra nodded. Her gaze was drawn to Octavia and she studied her former second, taking in the intricate braids and leather she proudly wore. Finally, she divulged, “She is expected here in two weeks time to celebrate the rebuild. I will send a messenger if she agrees to meet with you.”

 

* * *

 

It seemed so simple, triangulating the drones' positions by reverse-tracking their transmissions, but it was Raven's sixth straight hour in the workshop and they had nothing. There seemed to be something scrambling the transmissions so that they seemed to come from several locations. It was essentially an encryption underneath the one she had already cracked, and Raven slammed her fist into the table in frustration, causing the engineer across the table to jump.

“Sorry, sorry...”, Raven said and closed her eyes, cursing the drones and the people who sent them.

“You all right, Boss?”

Raven smiled a little at that. She wasn't technically the guy's boss but she acted like it, and it seemed to have stuck.

“I'll be fine, Tyler. I'm gonna take take fifteen.”

She left the workshop, moving through the bare corridors until she could step out of the Ark into the fresh air. She took a deep breath, pleasantly surprised to find that it didn't freeze her from the inside out anymore. Maybe spring would come sooner than they thought. Raven walked around the camp, enjoying the feeling of movement after hours of inactivity. Rounding a corner, she smelled food and her stomach grumbled loudly in response. She realized that she hadn't eaten since early that morning and veered towards the kitchens, where she found that preparations for the evening meal were well underway.

In the innermost room, she found Robin hovering over her staff, tasting their work and giving orders. She was different in here, Raven mused, a lot more imposing than as counsellor. A young guy, Raven thought his name was Eric, had a look of almost-panic on his face as he frantically stirred something that smelled suspiciously burnt.

Raven chuckled and said, “Having trouble with the minions, Blondie?”

The cook raised her eyebrows in faux-annoyance at the nickname. In truth, she had a soft spot for Raven and it showed. She would never let anyone else call her anything but her name.

“Naa, they're decent”, she replied, squeezing Eric's shoulder and instructing him to throw the sauce out and start over.

“Pssh, and here I was looking forward to being entertained by your tyranny. Have you gone soft on me?”

Robin grinned. “There is more than one way to success, Little Bird”.

Raven froze at the familiar nickname, then took a step back, swallowing down the anger that bubbled up in her throat as an image of Nygel, mocking her mother, swam before her eyes. The woman hadn't made it to the ground as far as Raven knew, and she couldn't find it in her to be anything but grateful for that.

“Hey...what's wrong?”, Robin had moved closer without Raven noticing, her eyes full of concern.

“Umm...I..I have to go”. Raven turned on her heel and walked out, not ready to tell Robin anything about _that_.

 

* * *

 

All in all, the meeting had gone incredibly well, Abby thought, as she took a swig of water from her hip flask. They were on their way home, making good speed since they were all eager to get back in time for dinner.

She glanced back at Kane, catching his eye. “You've been very quiet since we left. Something on your mind?”

Kane fell into step with her, mulling over the question.

“I'm not sure. I guess I'm a little surprised it went so well. I've come to expect obstacles.”

“I know what you mean”, Abby replied.

Lincoln, who had overheard their conversation, turned to them and said, “Our leaders always do what's in the best interest of their people. In this case, getting more information about an unknown threat at the price of sharing the little they know was an easy decision. Indra doesn't do hidden agendas. She's not like the Commander.”

There was a pause, before Kane spoke up. “The Commander seems to act in the best interest of her people as well. And as we know, sometimes that requires keeping things from them.”

Abby let out a huff of air. “It's not easy being in charge.”

 

* * *

 

The sun had long since come to rest under the treetops and the sleet had frozen into slippery, twisted ice, when the group returned to Arkadia. They walked across an almost empty yard, and wasted no time in joining their people in the mess hall. The onslaught of questions they were met with quieted as Abby raised a hand and addressed them all.

“Our meeting went well. The Grounders have agreed to share information about the drones with us, and we will do the same in return. This is not a new alliance, but we will work towards one. Know that Trikru messengers may come to the camp, and they will be welcomed if they do. I will keep you informed of any developments.”

Then she sat down, eagerly digging into her food, and people started talking again, their voices mingling into a noise that echoed off the walls. Normally, Abby found it too loud, but tonight she reveled in it, happy to be home.

Across the hall, Raven studied her, smiling at the way Abby shoveled food into her mouth. She had never seen her quite so...ravenous. Then she snorted into her cup, congratulating herself on what could have been a pun under other circumstances. Then she blushed at the thought, wondering why on earth she was thinking these things about _Abby_.

Robin studied her from the door to the kitchen, following Raven's gaze. Interesting, she thought, when she realized who it was that had washed the hard-set look off her friend's face, a look she had worn ever since walking out on Robin earlier. She vowed to talk to her the next morning, finding out what had gone wrong between them today. As for what she had just witnessed, she filed that away for later. Interesting indeed. Smirking, Robin turned and walked back into the kitchen.

Raven felt light, knowing that her people were home. She got up, and was about to join Octavia, Lincoln and Bellamy at their table, when she felt Abby's eyes on her. She looked over at the Chancellor, a smile pulling at her lips.

Abby smiled back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this seemed almost fluffy, didn't it? Everything is going so well...but don't worry, it won't last ;)


	3. In-between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the long time it took to write this. I got a job in another country so I've been busy. But I hope to have more time to write in the new year.
> 
> This is a bit of breather before things take a darker turn...
> 
> Quote by Emily Dickinson.

> _Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all._

 

* * *

 

 “We have a situation, Ma'am.”

Abby rubbed her eyes and squinted at the guard. It was in the middle of the night and she had been forcefully pulled out of an unusually restful sleep by his insistent banging on her door.

“Well, out with it, Sergeant.”

“The drones left ten minutes ago, Ma'am, heading north.”

Abby perked up, “They just left?”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

She frowned, shaking her head to clear the final wisps of fog from her mind.

“Stay on rotation in case they come back and notify me if they do.”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

“Dismissed.”

Abby returned to bed, but her mind was now fully awake and racing as she tried to understand what had caused this new development. Sighing in frustration, she turned on her side, knowing that it was impossible to tell until they knew more about who sent them. Raven had found a way to track them at last but so far that hadn't given them anything since the intruders had stayed at their post.

She sat up abruptly, mentally slapping herself. The had moved now.

Throwing off her blanket, she got out of bed and left the room, walking quickly towards Raven's combined workshop and quarters.

 

* * *

 

Raven groaned, pulling her blanket over her head. Why was someone banging on her door in the middle of the night? It wasn't the first time it had happened; last week she had made the mistake of opening her door to a an inebriated girl who had insisted on taking Raven to places she'd never been. After pushing past her, the girl had promptly fallen asleep on her bed. Raven wasn't eager on sharing it with a snoring, moonshine-reeking body ever again. If they didn't stop soon, they would regret it.

“Raven? Raven, it's Abby.”

Raven opened one eye. Oh. Okay.

“Abby?”

“I need you to track the drones. We have to hurry.”

Raven wondered if the Chancellor was sleepwalking, seeing as tracking drones wasn't anyone's usual nighttime activity, but got up anyway, pulling the door slightly ajar and peeking out suspiciously. Abby looked completely awake and Raven raised her eyebrows.

“What's going on?”

“I'll tell you once we get the tracking started.”

“You mean once _I_ get the tracking started.”

Abby shuffled her feet. “ _Now_ , Raven.”

“Fine, fine.”

She let Abby in and walked over to the equipment, turning it on.

“It needs a few minutes to calibrate”, she said, turning expectantly to the other woman, trailing her eyes over Abby's disheveled hair and thin sleeping clothes. Smirking, she said, “So, care to tell me what brought you here in the middle of the night?”.

Abby was suddenly extremely aware of her loose-fitting pyjamas and lack of underwear, which was really unfair considering Raven herself was only in a tank top and shorts. Forcing down a blush, she scolded herself for letting something so trivial get to her during what could very well be a crisis. Raven caught her embarrassment, but made no further comment as Abby explained about the drones. When she finally understood that Abby was serious and in fact not sleepwalking, the computer beeped and the mechanic checked the monitor.

“They're out of range. But the last position was 12 miles north of here, close to the drop ship. All three drones accounted for.”

“North...” Abby mumbled, biting her lip.

“What does that mean?”, Raven questioned.

Abby met her eyes. “I have no idea.”

 

* * *

 

The Council convened at dawn, and despite not having slept, Abby was alert as they discussed the new development. The guard that Abby had sent in the night with a message to the Trikru returned later in the morning, telling them that the Grounders hadn't seen any drones for the past two days.

“This is all speculation, though”, Octavia said after they had circled through the same arguments several times. “Is there really anything we _can_ do unless they come back within tracking range?” 

Kane replied, “We can send out a search party.”

“I don't know about you but I'm not eager to find them”, Robin countered, glancing towards the door. The voices filtering in from outside were far louder than they had been since the drones came, an air of cheerfulness evident even in the rhythmic rising and falling of distant noise.

Abby smiled faintly, “Neither am I. But we must not let our guards down. If they come back, we need to be ready to defend ourselves.”

Raven pulled her thoughts back to the present with difficulty. She had sneaked inside the chamber at the last minute, met by nothing but a few raised eyebrows and a not-quite-annoyed eye roll from Abby that served more as an invitation than anything else. She had been curious about their next move now the drones were gone, and had decided to face the prospect of another endless discussion just to know the tactics first hand. But this curiosity hadn't lasted long once the talking began, and Raven had quickly zoned out, mind wandering to much more interesting places.

“The armoury is loaded”, she finally contributed and everyone's head turned as if they had forgotten her presence. Raven smirked. “Yes I'm still here. It seems to me that we need to run some drills? Military tactics and stuff, right, Bellamy, Kane?”

Kane looked at her like she was the most entertaining person in the room. Raven privately agreed. He spoke up, “We do, yes. We should run the scenarios we have prepared for before and adapt them to the new situation.”

“Get on that.” Abby glanced at the clock on the wall. Raven thought she looked tired, which wasn't so strange considering they had been up for the better part of the night. “I think we'll leave it here. Let's meet again in two days, unless there are new developments before that. I will speak to the people later today.”

As everyone rose to leave, Abby turned to Raven. “A word, please, Raven.”

Kane chuckled to himself as he left.

In a case of the worst timing ever, Raven got a vivid flashback of a blushing Abby in pyjamas just as the heavy door to the council chamber closed with a loud thud. She swallowed before turning to the woman in question, who was regarding her thoughtfully. When she didn't say anything, Raven prompted, “So..is this where you kick me out?”

Abby just kept looking at her, steady and completely unreadable. Raven tried not to fidget while meeting her gaze. Finally, the Chancellor said, “Yes. There are only six positions on the Council, all elected by the people. But your input carries a lot of weight, Raven. We'll still listen to you, of course.”

Raven shook her head, letting out a huff of air through a smile, “Honestly, I'm not sure why I came here today. I don't really want to be a councillor. Too much sitting. Not enough doing.”

Abby grinned, “I figured.”

They smiled at each other in understanding and locked eyes for a fraction too long.

It was Abby who broke the contact. She hesitated for a moment before speaking in a soft voice, “I know it hasn't always been easy between us, Raven, but I...I'd like for us to be friends.”

Raven's heart sped up. She waited until Abby looked up at her again, and held the older woman's gaze when she replied honestly,

“Me too.”

And if either of their chests clenched with something like hope at the prospect, and if either of their steps were a little lighter that day, neither of them dwelled too long on it.

 

* * *

 

In the afternoon, Raven rounded a corner and collided with Robin. The two dead rabbits that the cook carried on her shoulders flew off to the sides and reflexively, Raven managed to catch one of them before grabbing at the air to steady herself. Robin caught her arm and together they regained their balance. 

“Nice catch” Robin grinned.

“Yeah” Raven straightened and looked down at the glassy-eyed animal she was holding. “I could say the same”.

“You all right?”

Raven looked up and was just about to answer when she remembered that she was supposed to be mad at Robin. That she _was_ , in fact, mad at her, for reasons that were sort of unreasonable. But she was mad nonetheless.

“I'm fine”, she said curtly and walked off.

“Hey! Raven, wait!”

Raven ignored the impulse to turn around, and kept walking.

 

* * *

 

Three days after the drones left, Abby sat on the edge of her bed, staring into nothingness and thinking very hard about safe subjects such as the next Unity Day celebrations, if she should cut her hair, and which seeds they should plant in spring. Then she started doing a mental inventory of their medicines and got to 'E' for epinephrine before realising her mistake. Medicines lead to uses thereof, which lead to reasons for using them, which lead to bloodied and bruised friends and family calling out for her, begging her to save them, and she never could.

She sighed. For some reason, her dreams had become worse since the drones left. Maybe it was the uncertainty of not knowing where they were, maybe she worried that Clarke would run into them, or maybe – and she believed this to be true – the relative peace offered her mind more time to process her fears.

She let out a sound of frustration and got up to pace around the room. She was beyond tired but couldn't face another night of tossing around and waking up screaming. No, she would stay awake. Perhaps she could make herself so exhausted that when sleep finally claimed her, there would be no room for nightmares.

But a short time later, falling asleep while pacing became a very real possibility, and Abby went outside. The first deep breath of cold air hurt her lungs, and she welcomed the sharp sensation. The sound of her footsteps, crushing frozen leaves and strands of last season's grass, calmed her frustrated mind as she walked further away from her quarters.

Away.

The moon hung low over the trees in the east, full and yellow and somehow much more intriguing than it had been from space. Perhaps it had been the Earth, all vast oceans and swirling clouds, that had made it seem so small and insignificant from the Ark. But down here it glowed proudly in the sky, as if making a point. Abby smiled.

“Abby? Is that you?”

Abby yelped and instinctively jumped away from the voice. The voice started to laugh.

“Kane! What are you doing here? Stop...lurking!”

He stepped out into the electric light that illuminated the largest path through Arkadia. Trying to keep a straight face, he said, “Oh you know, just doing a bit of lurking to keep you on your toes, Madam Chancellor.”

She made a sound of disbelief. “You're a terrible liar, Marcus Kane.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

That made her smile, which she knew was his intention. She sighed. “Walk with me?”

He fell into step with her and they followed the light path around the camp in silence. Kane kept stealing glances at her, though, and Abby rolled her eyes,

“What?”

“What?”

“You tell me.”

He turned towards her. “I just worry about you, Abby. I know you aren't sleeping.”

She shrugged. “A lot of people aren't sleeping. You aren't either, apparently.”

“A lot of people aren't in charge.”

“That doesn't mean it's easier for them.”

“It also doesn't mean it's easier for you.”

She stopped walking and turned towards him. “Look, Marcus, I appreciate your concern, I really do. But I don't want to talk about it. Not yet anyway.”

His smile was soft. “That's okay. Just know you can talk to me when you are.”

She reached out and squeezed his hand. “I know. Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

It had been one of those nights when the nightmares had woken her again and again, and Raven had finally opted for working on one of the cars they had brought back from Mount Weather instead of sleeping. It was a bit of a side project, no one really seeing the benefit of driving around in a very conspicuous metal tin in their current situation. But Raven still wanted to fix it because that was something she knew how to do, and that thought calmed her. She was in control of those mechanical parts, expertly guiding fuses and cables into their right places. Everything clear. Everything fixable. 

Calm.

When she worked, she could eventually tune out the world, the people, around her. She had to be in the present so she wouldn't make any mistakes and that didn't give much time for worries, fear, or thoughts of things she couldn't fix. She could work for hours without pause if she wasn't interrupted. She would work constantly if she could.

But this was apparently a night of interruptions, as someone cleared their throat behind her. So much for hiding in the simple things. Half-expecting (half-hoping for?) it to be Abby again, Raven turned to face the intruder, scowling slightly for good measure.

Great.

“Hey, Raven. I saw the light on.”

Raven studied the woman in the doorway curiously; Robin usually had an air of confidence about her that was absent in this moment. She looked lost, and Raven had to ask, “Is something wrong?”

Robin shuffled her feet.

“No, well, yes. I need you to tell me what I did. Why you're angry with me.”

Turning back to the car, Raven mumbled something into the engine that rested peacefully under a battered hood. She envied it.

“Sorry?”

Raven repeated, a little louder this time, “Is that why you're up in the middle of the night?”

“Partly”, Robin answered. “And it's the full moon.”

Raven hummed in response. She spliced another wire, carefully connecting the copper threads before isolating them with a rubber sheath. She got so lost in the work that she almost forgot about Robin, until the older woman cleared her throat again.

Raven sighed.

“The nickname. Little Bird.”

“What about it?”

Raven closed her eyes and resigned herself to telling the truth. Opening them again, she faced Robin.

“Someone used to call me that, back on the Ark. Someone bad. We were very poor, my mother and I. She used all our allowances on drugs. But that wasn't enough sometimes, and this person, Nygel, took advantage of that. Giving my mother drugs in return for work...with men. Nygel used to rub it in my face whenever she had the chance, especially after my mother died. I think she loved the power she had over people.”

Raven could feel Robin's surprise and shock hanging in the air between them, but appreciated the way the cook kept almost-control of her features. She didn't want the pity. That's why she didn't tell people. Seeing their empathy somehow made it worse, as if it reminded her of how horrible it had been.

She cleared her throat, “Anyway. I don't really want to talk more about it but now you know. I know it made no sense, the way I acted. I'm sorry.”

Robin shook herself out of the rush of empathy she felt for her friend. “No, I'm sorry, Raven. If I had known...”

Raven interrupted, “Well now you do. Friends?”

Robin searched her eyes and Raven forced herself not to look away. Robin needed confirmation that she was okay. She would give it to her.

Finally, the cook smiled with an understanding that touched Raven more than she would ever admit.

“Friends.”

 

* * *

 

Raven left the storage room, now doubling as a garage for her latest project, and headed towards her quarters. She could sense the coming sunrise in the way the moon shone a little fainter and the night seeming to pause, impossibly still. She loved this part of night; it never failed to be peaceful, even if she weren't. 

But when she rounded a corner, she heard voices. Did no one sleep this night? She took another step and recognised one of the voices. A second step and recognised the other. By the third step, they came into view, and Raven instinctively shrank back into the shadows.

It was Abby and Kane.

Raven caught Kane's reply to something Abby said,

“A lot of people aren't in charge.”

“That doesn't mean it's easier for them.”

“It also doesn't mean it's easier for you.”

They stopped, far too close to Raven's hiding place, and she held her breath as Abby spoke again,

“Look, Marcus, I appreciate your concern, I really do. But I don't want to talk about it. Not yet anyway.”

Kane smiled at her and Raven suddenly felt like she was witnessing something she shouldn't. “That's okay. Just know you can talk to me when you are.”

Abby squeezed his hand, “I know. Thank you.”

Raven felt empty.

She backed away slowly as the pair started walking away from her - into a stack of barrels that clanged as they wobbled dangerously against each other, the sound loud and clear in the stillness.

Kane turned around. “Is anyone there?”

Raven stood frozen in place, eyes wide as she tried not to breathe.

A moment later, Kane's eyes widened, too. He had seen her. Raven bit her lip, unsure of what to do. But before she could think of something better to say than 'hello I'm sorry for accidentally spying on you', Abby asked him,

“Did you see something?”

He turned away from Raven and shrugged, “No, probably just a bird.”

Raven exhaled, unsure of what had just happened. She watched their retreating backs until they turned the next corner. Just before they disappeared from view, she heard Marcus speak up,

“So, did you fire Raven from the job she didn't have today?” 

Abby grinned, “Yes. But I think we're better off for it.” 

“How so?”

“It made us talk...about being friends.”

“Oh _really_?”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.”

Their voices faded away.

This was a really weird night, Raven decided as she resumed her walk. Kane talked about her like he knew something she didn't, which was mildly disconcerting. And why hadn't he said something when he saw her? She shook her head. So much for a quiet night with the car. But at least her mind was now full of other things than blood and loss.

Before she drifted off to sleep, Raven replayed the scene in her head, remembering how close together Abby and Kane had stood as he offered to listen when she was ready. Why did it bother her so much? Maybe because she was Abby's friend too and hadn't been there this time. Yeah. That must be it, she decided, and curled into a ball under the covers, almost convinced.

 


	4. Seingeda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how sometimes you look at the date and have no idea how the months can go so fast? That has happened to me a lot this year as I've been very busy (in a good way). That's why I haven't updated this fic since Christmas. But I still enjoy writing it and have a lot of plans for where I want it to go. So if someone is still interested, here's finally another chapter. As the title indicates, this will focus quite a bit on family, though Abby and Raven get a few moments too.
> 
> A general note: I had planned to make certain elements of this story a lot darker, but in light of season 3 I feel kinda done with dark shocking events... It'll be a rough ride for sure, but I will put my focus into exploring the relationships between characters, and there will be a happy ending as far as this universe goes.

> _Shall I postpone my acceptation and realization and scream at my eyes, That they turn from gazing after and down the road (...)_
> 
> Emily Dickinson

 

* * *

 

The drones had been gone for a week when it happened. The day hadn't seemed special to Abby when she first woke up; the sky a gloomy grey, moist with the melting snow, and people had been criss-crossing over the wet paths of Arkadia, going about their business. Her breakfast had been the usual flatbread with a protein spread Robin made from standard ration number 3, a favourite of Abby's ever since the cook had first served it seasoned with herbs from the forest. She had met with Kane and Bellamy to discuss a conflict between two members of the Guard, visited Raven in her workshop, and met with five patients. All in all, it had been an unusually normal day on the ground.

That is, until two guards came running towards her, the name on their lips paralyzing her muscles, the sincerity in their eyes pulling the air from her lungs. For a moment, blood rushed in her ears and black dots clouded her vision as she fought the relief that threatened to spill out from her heart.

 _Clarke_.

Abby gasped for air, rooted to the spot as if moving would reveal that this was, in fact, a dream. But the guards were still there; still looked at her expectantly, and slowly the familiar sounds of the surroundings broke through her haze.

She ran.

She couldn’t remember ever running so fast, and yet the seconds it took for her to reach the gate felt like an eternity.

But when the gate came into view, she faltered, the strength she had painstakingly maintained out of necessity for the past months crumbling to dust. Outside the gate, sitting astride a beautiful chestnut horse, was her daughter. Abby would have recognised her even if she had once again been covered in dirt and blood, but she wasn't. Clarke's face was clean, hair intricately braided, body covered in a silky grey hide and unfamiliar rough fabric.

Her eyes widened at seeing her mother approach.

Abby’s heart soared. She took a deep breath and it felt like her first on Earth. The colour, the sounds and smells were suddenly more distinct. She sank to the ground, grabbed fistfuls of dirt as she looked up at the person who had once been her little girl, and thanked the Earth for bringing her back.

Clarke sat on her horse, hesitating to dismount knowing what it would mean for her going forward. She worried her lip. There was no more escape, no more reprieve. This was it.

At Clarke's silence, Abby prompted, voice rough with emotion,

“Clarke...”

Hearing her true name, not Wanheda or Sky girl or any of the other nicknames the Earth had given her, unlocked something more than her darkest memories. Clarke remembered a time when her life had been grey but simple. When she had come home to two whole parents, their love carrying her through even the bleakest days in space. She had been happy once, with her friends, with a life she thought was the only one she could ever have. It hadn’t been the life she dreamt of, on the ground, but it had been enough. She almost laughed at the irony of then and now. She finally met her mother’s tear-filled eyes, and the next step seemed somewhat less difficult.

Clarke swung her leg over her horse and took the few steps to the gate. Somewhere on the border between Arkadia and the surrounding lands, she and Abby met in a fierce hug.

“Mom”, Clarke breathed.

Abby smiled through her tears and breathed in the familiar and the unfamiliar, clutching at her daughter's back, and found that questions and answers did not matter. Because her heart pumped wildly in her chest and Clarke's warmth seeped into her chilled body, ensuring her that they were both very much alive.

Clarke blinked in surprise when her own tears started falling. She distantly felt them slide down her cheek, wetting the fabric of Abby’s jacket, an imprint of the things she couldn’t begin to put into words.

 

* * *

 

“Floudonkru, the boat people. I found them just before they went in to hiding, and they let me come with them.”

_“Why are they hiding?”_

_“Who are they hiding from?”_

_“Did you live with them all these months?”_

The questions never ended, just as Clarke had known they wouldn’t. It was an hour or so after her return to Camp Jaha – _Arkadia_ , she reminded herself – and she was standing in the Council chamber, pleasantly surprised to have found it filled with a mix of former delinquents and former leaders of the Ark. After her arrival, her mother hadn’t asked any questions about where she had been or whom she had been with. She had just gently nudged her towards the Chancellor’s quarters where they had sat down close together. Clarke had allowed herself to briefly sink into the illusion of safety and home. After some time, Raven had shown up with a meal (“I asked Robin to save the best parts for you.”). Clarke had listened when Abby told her about Arkadia. It seemed that their society had changed for the better, and Clarke desperately wished that it could stay that way. But the ground never stayed peaceful for long, and time was running out for all of them. So she had insisted on gathering the Council to discuss why she had come, and locked away the disappointment in her mother’s eyes in that place where _everything_ was hidden.

“Listen”, she interrupted Kane in the middle of yet another question, “I will tell you more but the most important thing now is that you may not be safe here. People have vanished from all the clans, more every day. They leave for scouting missions, hunts or short travels and they never come back. Something or someone is taking them.”

“You’ve heard about the drones? Do you think it’s connected?” Bellamy asked, a strain in his voice that had nothing to do with the new threat.

“No, the drones have only been seen here and in Trikru territory from what I’ve heard. This is something else.”

Kane directed his question at Octavia, “Why haven’t we heard about this from Indra?”

She frowned, “I don’t know. Are you sure people have disappeared from Trikru as well?”

Clarke nodded. “But perhaps not so many. It was only a few days ago we realised there was a pattern to it.”

A few days, Abby thought. Had Clarke been so close all this time?

Robin spoke up, “But we have people outside the walls every day, how come none of us has been taken?”

Clarke shrugged. “Maybe because you’re Skaikru. Or maybe you’ve been lucky.”

Abby’s schooled her voice into something soft and undemanding, “So this is the reason you came back? To warn us?”

Clarke voice was flat when she replied, “Yes. Something is happening and I have a feeling we don’t know the half of it. Luna, she’s the leader of Floudonkru, sent me here to warn you and Trikru and to gather information. I travelled off the roads, mostly at night.”

Abby’s skin crawled with unasked questions and worry and _hurt_ , and she huffed at how quickly her need to know everything had resurfaced. But she forced it away and let the others steer the conversation, knowing that pushing Clarke at this point would be the worst thing to do for their relationship.

She wasn’t surprised to see her daughter’s discomfort – though she suspected none of the others could see the subtle tension in her face and shoulders – as Kane revealed their tentative steps towards building a new alliance with the Commander. Abby wasn’t sure, but she suspected that Clarke and Lexa had shared more than the burden of leadership during their brief alliance.

Clarke steeled her jaw and agreed to meet with Lexa to relay Luna’s concerns, should the Commander grant them an audience in Tondc. That didn’t surprise Abby either. Her daughter was a Griffin, after all.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Griffin, fancy seeing you here.”

Clarke closed her mouth, which had fallen open when she found herself in a doorway leading to a bar, of all things.

“Raven.”

The mechanic half-sat at the bar, leaning one hip on a stool and holding a beaker. She beckoned for Clarke to join her.

Clarke looked around the room and had to forcefully shut down the instinct to flee. Paintings hung on the far wall, armchairs stood gathered around a table in a corner, and a threadbare carpet adorned the floor. A surprisingly powerful beat came from a pair of small speakers behind the counter and the bartender, a woman with curly hair that Clarke vaguely recognised, chatted with a group of people as she poured them drinks. On an intellectual level, Clarke understood the reasoning behind taking supplies from Mount Weather, had expected it even. Food, medicines, and weapons were valuable resources. But what she hadn’t expected was the piano, the assortment of books neatly piled in a corner, and the damn chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

Bile rose in her throat and she turned to leave.

“Hey!” Raven rose and grimaced as pain shot through her hip. She hurried as best she could after her…what? Friend? Their relationship had always been hard to categorise. Thrown together by circumstance, linked at first through Abby, they had become oddly close despite of – because of? – Finn. And after Finn, after Clarke had stabbed him to death with Raven’s knife, after the events had spiralled even more out of control, after the Mountain and Clarke’s leaving, after building new lives apart from each other, what did that leave them? Raven only knew that she cared and that her Clarke-feelings were oddly tangled with other things in her chest.

She called out again, “Clarke, please stop!”

Raven watched Clarke slow down, hesitate, and then turn around to face her. Raven’s breath hitched at the wild look in her eyes.

“I can’t be in there,” she breathed.

Raven tilted her head in question before it clicked.

“Oh. Want to take a walk?”

Clarke nodded and they headed out into the open air.

They walked in silence for a while, Clarke deliberately slowing her pace so that Raven could easily keep up. She was good, Raven had to admit, as it looked almost effortless. She still huffed a little at the presumption, though.

Once they had put some distance between them and the bar, the knot in Clarke’s chest loosened slightly, and she glanced at the woman beside her, contemplating possible things to say.

Raven watched her out of the corner of her eye, silently daring her to speak first because she wasn’t sure what to say. What do you say to someone who left her family and friends without explanation? Do you demand one when you sort of understand why they left? Do you point out the pain they caused the people they left behind? It all seemed somewhat redundant, and Raven wasn’t going to lecture Clarke on her choices. They had all been forced to make hard ones on the ground. But then there was Abby and the worry that had eaten at her since Clarke left, Abby and her nightmares, and the knowledge of how easy it had been to use her Clarke-pain to hurt her. Abby was her friend too. All of this bubbled inside Raven’s chest, tearing her in several directions until she grabbed Clarke’s arm and stopped walking, facing the centre of it all.

“It’s really great to see you.”

Clarke blinked in surprise.

Raven continued in a rush, “But I’m really torn and confused about it too because…we’ve had to live with you being gone and now you’re suddenly here and what’s to say you won’t disappear again?”

Clarke bit the inside of her cheek and looked away from Raven’s honest expression. The grip on her arm loosened, but Raven kept her hand there and Clarke was equal parts grateful and wanted to flinch away from it. She swallowed against a wave of guilt and said,

“I’m so sorry, Raven. I’m sorry about it all.”

Clarke looked up at her friend and swallowed again when she saw the wet glimmer in her eyes. Damn it, she thought, as she felt the promise of tears sting in her own. She continued then, words spilling out unedited as she struggled to explain. It was suddenly very important to explain.

“I didn’t want anyone’s forgiveness. I didn’t deserve it. And to see everyone’s grateful faces, I just…I couldn’t see you everyday, knowing what I did to keep you safe. It would have driven me mad. You were better off without me.”

A pang of anger rushed hot and unbidden through Raven and she pulled her hand away,

“How can you say that? Abby would have given anything to be there for you after the Mountain! She was not better off! I wasn’t better off! Bellamy wasn’t! No one was fucking better off, Clarke, only you!”

Raven’s chest heaved and she cursed herself. So much for not going off.

Clarke forced air into her lungs and let the shaky exhale carry her defeated reply, “You’re right. It was better for me.”

They stared at each other until Raven kicked at the ground and sighed.

“I’m sorry. I get it, I really do. It’s just hard, you know? To see both sides? Your mom understands too, why you left. But it’s been hard on her not knowing where you are. She stopped talking about you after a while. People knew not to mention you. I just think you should talk to her.”

Clarke swallowed and wiped at the annoying tears.

“I will, soon.”

Raven studied her and decided that Clarke at least wanted to mean it. It felt easy, then, to pull her into a hug. Clarke stiffened at first, surprised by the sudden affection, but Raven held her close in a gentle embrace, and slowly Clarke relaxed. The blonde exhaled, and some small part of the weight on her shoulders crumbled to dust.

“I’m just glad you’re back”, Raven breathed against her hair.

Clarke pulled back, a small sad smile playing around her mouth, “It’s good to see you too.”

 

* * *

 

Two days later, the exhilaration of having Clarke back was mixing more and more with frustration for Abby. Clarke clearly didn’t want to be there, and her daughter walked restlessly around Arkadia with a furrowed brow, lead hunting parties, and helped Raven in her workshop; anything except being still. Anything except talking to Abby.

Abby felt taut and nervous. She hadn’t slept much, and she didn’t think Clarke had either.

It was a relief, almost, when a Trikru messenger arrived with a message from the Commander, granting them an audience the following day. Abby quickly busied herself with organising the short trip.

Clarke nodded once after Abby informed her of the development and then she turned away, jaw set and shoulders tense. She walked towards the gate, and in the distance Abby could see her hands close into fists.

In that moment, Abby could have cried – for Clarke, for herself, for everyone. But all she did was swallow hard and walk back to her quarters, back straight.

 

* * *

 

“Abby?”

She started and looked up from the map Clarke had drawn of the surrounding lands, dashed borders separating the twelve clans of Lexa’s coalition. The map filled in some of the blanks that had kept Kane busy during the past months, and Abby found it both fascinating and worrying to see the vast extent of some of their neighbouring territories. She had to admit to being curious about the area where the Boat people lived. The sea had always been an abstract dream for her, a vast blue space surrounding the steadfast continents. She had read all the books the Ark had about the oceans as a child. She had drawn real and fantastical marine creatures at every opportunity, until the point where every wall in their small living quarters were filled with seascapes and her mother had gently told her that she had to take one down before putting up another. She wondered when and why she had stopped creating the world she had so fiercely dreamed of seeing.

Raven studied Abby curiously. The woman looked at her but seemed lost in thought.

“Is this a bad time? I can come back later.”

Abby shook herself out of her musings. “No, no, I was just thinking about drawing and tried to remember why I stopped.”

Raven walked inside, a knowing glint in her eye, “So that’s where Clarke gets it from.”

“Perhaps. Though she has far more patience with it than I ever had.”

Raven leaned her elbows on the table and studied the detailed map Abby had been perusing. She recognised Clarke’s work. “I’d love to see you draw sometime”, she said, and immediately blushed at the intimacy of her words.

A smile played around Abby’s lips when Raven finally looked at her again.

“Maybe someday”, Abby said softly, unsure of where this conversation ended and another began.

Raven cleared her throat and cracked a joke to break the not entirely unpleasant tension, because the room felt warm and this was not why she had come. Abby rolled her eyes in response, just as Raven knew she would, and as a comfortable silence settled, she asked evenly,

“Has she talked to you yet?”

Abby sighed and shook her head. “Not more than necessary.”

Raven waited patiently and it wasn’t long before Abby continued. In a tight voice, she said,

“I get that she needs her space, I really do, but I can’t help wishing for more. I miss her and she’s right here.”

Sinking into a chair and lifting up her bad leg so she could reach the footrest, Raven replied honestly, “She bears everything alone. I wish there was something I could do.”

“Me too.” Abby sighed. “She needs time. We all do. But there’s always another fight. She may be haunted by her choices but she’ll keep taking full responsibility for them, just like her father.”

“Just like you.” Raven added.

The memory of walking through section 17 and closing unseeing eyes swam unbidden to the front of Abby’s mind then, just as it had during countless nights. It was quickly followed by memories of the hushed conversation with Thelonius that had cost her husband’s life, the image of Jake’s last seconds in the airlock, and the way Clarke had never looked at her the same since figuring out the truth.

Abby shook her head.

“Not like me. I didn’t when it mattered most.”

Raven understood what she was referring to and searched for something to say that was more than empty words.

“Did I ever tell you about how Finn ended up in the Sky Box?”

Abby shook her head, and Raven told her the story. By its end, Abby looked at her incredulously.

“I’m guessing you know how lucky you both were.”

“Affirmative. My point is, even when we do things with the best intentions it can go to hell. I know Finn didn’t die…” She trailed off and shook her head, letting out a huff of air “… _then_. So it doesn’t really compare but –“

Abby interrupted her. “I get what you’re trying to say, Raven.”

Raven bit the inside of her cheek, annoyed with her own rambling.

“Yeah, sure. I’m sorry. That wasn’t very helpful…”

Abby smiled gently and said, “Maybe not in the way you intended. But it kept my mind focused on your story for a while, so thank you for that.”

Raven looked sheepish, but a glint of mischief was back in her eyes. It turned into a full grin when she said, “So, Madam Chancellor, will you arrest me for past crimes?”

In response she found herself on the receiving end of a glare so fierce that she had to swallow not once, but twice, and suddenly she was acutely aware that her reaction had nothing to do with being intimidated. Her eyes widened at the realisation.

Abby, slightly puzzled at the odd mix of emotions playing across Raven’s face, drove home her point,

“Only if you keep calling me Madam Chancellor.”

Raven, though still reeling from what she suspected was a _very significant thing_ if she would – dared to – examine it closer, couldn’t help sassing back,

“Madam Doctor then?”

Abby tried to look stern but the light dancing in her eyes gave away her amusement.

“In that case I will call you Madam Mechanic.”

Raven stared at her in horror.

“You…may have a point.”

Abby smirked devilishly and Raven swallowed again ( _oh shit_ ).

They grinned at each other, and the room felt warm again.

“I should…uh…get back to work…” Raven said, breaking the tension.

Abby cleared her throat, “Yeah I should keep preparing for tomorrow.”

“When do you leave?”

“At dawn.”

“I’ll deliver the grenades tonight then.”

“Raven…”

Raven held up her hands. “I’m joking. Mostly.”

Abby shook her head and smiled and Raven winked at her before leaving the room.

 

* * *

 

Clarke lay awake, counting down the hours until dawn. She couldn’t decide if she wanted time to go faster or slower. She knew the right thing to do was to take their concerns directly to the Commander, and a war was raging inside of her between the part that hated this fact and the one that couldn’t help wondering what _Lexa_ would feel about her showing up. The same part that in some twisted masochistic way looked forward to seeing her, even.

Abby lay awake, mind racing with scenarios that could play out come morning. She twisted and turned, worried and hoped, and tried to remember how it felt to have a restful night. She thought about Clarke the child and Clarke the woman, the choices her daughter had made, the choices she herself had made and the harsh world they had fallen onto. Her thoughts drifted to Raven’s reassuring eyes and sweet support, and Abby smiled into the darkness because despite their differences, that, at least, felt constant.

Raven lay awake, mind skirting around the very significant thing that she pretended not to have realised today. She certainly didn’t think about how strange it was that she hadn’t realised this thing before, and there was absolutely no way that she wondered if there was something significant about the way Abby smiled when Raven was around. She turned on her side and definitely didn’t think about smirks and small touches, or the way Abby could calm her with a single reassuring look.

Clarke, Abby, and Raven lay awake when a loud explosion suddenly shook the walls of Arkadia. Another one quickly followed, and another, until a deafening roar filled the unsuspecting silence. The three women scrambled out of bed and opened their doors to panicked shouts and roaring flame. The air was thick with smoke and Abby coughed as she crouched low and hurried to the nearest fire panel, activating the Ark’s sprinkler system. Raven took one look at the scene in her corridor and realised they had to get out right now. She called for Clarke who slept a few doors down, and was relieved when her friend appeared through the smoke together with several other people, cloths tied over their mouths. They joined the stream of huddled figures that were hurrying towards the other side of the station. Raven hoped they would find it in a better state, because going outside seemed like a last resort judging from the high-pitched sound of missiles soaring through the air.

The southern part of Arkadia was in flames, smoke rising from the ground and nearest trees. One last missile fell from a drone onto the largest patch of farmland, obliterating sturdy shoots of overwintered kale and the young apple trees Robin had planted last summer. Inside, people gathered in the mess hall, frantically searching the crowd for missing persons. The guards worked to contain the fire and determine if anyone was trapped inside. As the noise outside eventually died down, Abby and Kane carefully pushed the door ajar to take a look at the substantial damage.

 

In the City of Light, ALIE smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr! Or below. I also accept communication through pigeons, owls and Raven's walkie talkies.


End file.
